One day man in Liverpool was reading the Liverpool Echo when he saw a job vacancy for a 'Fanny shaver'. He rang the number in the newspaper and was asked some preliminary questions.
"Tell me," said the interviewer, "Do you mind shaving the pussy's of famous super models and actresses?"
"No way," replied the man, "It would be an honor!"
"Alright," said the interviewer, "Do you mind travelling all over Europe to places like Milan, Monaco and Rome?"
"No that would not be a problem!" replied the man, "I love to travel!"
"Excellent," said the interviewer, "Do you have a problem getting close to some of the most beautiful women in the world?"
"I would be fine," replied the man.
"Excellent!" said the interviewer, "Now would you be flustered or act ungentlemanly while you were shaving around their genital areas?"
"No I would not be!" replied the man, "I would be both discreet and charming!"
"Excellent!" said the interviewer, "You seem to be the ideal candidate for the job! I will send you a train ticket to Manchester."
"Great," replied the man, "Is that where my first job is, like?"
"Oh, no," replied the interviewer, "That's where the queue for the interview starts!"
Paddy saw a newspaper ad for a $10 river cruise. So he went out to the jetty, where he saw a guy with a baseball bat and a coil of rope.
"I'm here for the river cruise!" said Paddy handing the guy $10.
The guy took the money then hit Paddy over the ear with the baseball bat. Next thing Paddy knew, he was floating down the river tied to a log. Then he spotted his friend, Mick, who was also tied to a log and floating downstream.
"Hey Mick!" Paddy yelled, "Do they serve meals on this trip?"
"Well," Mick shouted back, "They didn't last year!"