Three young women, a Tamilian, a Maharashtrian and a Punjaban, who all happened to die on the same day, arrived in the office of Dharamraj, the keeper of life's records. He first questioned the Tamilian about her lifestyle.' I have been very good: a virgin till I married, utterly faithful and dutiful to my husband. I looked after my mother-in-law and prayed to Tirupati everyday.'
'That's very good. I will recommend you for first class accommodation in paradise,' said Dharamraj.
The Maharashtrian came next.' I was a full-blooded Maratha so I could not be quite as chaste in thought and deed as my Tamilian sister. But I didn't hurt anyone and I kept my husband happy.
'For you, second class accommodation in paradise,' replied Dharamraj.
'And what about you?', he asked the lady from the land of the five rivers.
'I was a very bad woman,' she replied.' I did everything I shouldn't have done: I never said my prayers, I quarrelled with my saas (mother-in-law), and had an affair with my devar (husband's younger brother).'
'That was very bad, behenjee,'said Dharamraj.' Do anything you like with me but don't call me your behen,' snapped the Punjaban.
'Okay! In that case you come to my apartment this evening.'
Heaven is when you have A : -
- Kashmiri Chahra (Face) with a
- Brahmin Damagh (Brain) on top of a
- Pathan Tunn (Body), with a
- Dravidian Lund (Penis) to please a
- Rajput Bibi (Wife) knowing how to cook
- Bengali Food grown on a
- Marathi Farm and you own a
- Punjabi Mahal (House) having an
- Oriya Abu (Father) and earn a
- Guzarati Wazifat (Salary)!
Hell is when you have A : -
- Punjabi Damagh (Brain) behind a
- Dravidian Chahra (Face), adorning a
- Marathi Body, and all you have is a
- Brahmin Zubb (Penis), to please a
- Bengali Bibi (Wife) who cooks
- Rajasthani Food from your
- Kashmiri Farm, and all you own is a
- Guzarati Mahal (House) with a
- Pathan Father and you earn an
- Oriya Wazifat (Salary) !
A Maulana, a Sardarji and a Maharashtrian Brahmin happened to be in a boat which sprang a leak. The boat began to fill with water and it looked all the three would be drowned. The Maulana prayed to Allah for help: "Great and mighty Allah! Thou art compassionate and merciful. Save thy faithful servant from doom. I promise to say many extra namaazes and observe many extra rozas (fasts) if my life is saved." Lo and behold! A hand stretched down from the heavens and lifted the Maulana from the sinking boat and dropped him safely on land.
The Sardarji raised his hands to the heavens and cried "Merciful Wahgurul Save thy faithful gursikh and I promise to have a hundred akhand paaths." Lo and behold! another hand stretched down from the heavens and lifted the Sardarji from the sinking boat and dropped him unharmed on the land.
It was the turn of the Maharashtrian Brahmin. He too raised his hands to the heavens and prayed to his favourite deity "O thou Omnipotent and all-wise Ganpati Bapal Save me as those two have been saved by their gods." Lo and behold! Ganpati himself came down from the heavens and began to dance the tandavam in the boat and make it rock violently. "Ganpati Bapa," pleaded the poor Maharashtrian, "if you go on doing this, I'll be drowned."
Replied the God of auspicious beginnings, "You humans drown me every year in rivers and oceans. I will do the same to you."
4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.
The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?"
Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all."
"Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
"A blink," replied the Texan almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex."
"Good answer," replied the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately."
"That's a great answer," replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president.
Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light... "