Friend and I ordered an Uber to pick us up while partying Anaheim, the uber driver gets there, picks us us and starts pulling out into the street. She didn't see the old fat man in a motorized wheelchair driving across the sidewalk I guess because sh managed to hit him pulling out of the parking lot. h was ok, but she was hyperventilating.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "you're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
It seems that there was this little 9 year old blind kid, and one day he said to his mom, ''Mom, all I've ever wanted was to see.'' His mom said, ''Well son it's your lucky day, today is the last day of March, and if you pray your hardest, your prayers will be answered.''
So the little boy goes to bed 2 hours early and starts praying himself to sleep. He wakes up half way through the night and realizes that the night isn't over, so he prays another hour before he falls asleep again.
He finally wakes up the next morning and yells, ''Mom, Mom, get in here fast!'' His mom comes running in and says, ''What is it son?' the boy says, ''Mom I did just what you said, I prayed and prayed harder than anyone else ever has, but I woke up this morning, and I'm still blind!'' So his mom says.......''April Fools!!''
Grandma was knitting in her armchair. At her feet sat her two lovely grandchildren. Ruth was doing some colouring and Gareth was playing with his toy robot. Suddenly, young Ruth closed her colouring book and climbed up onto her Grandma's lap.
"Tell us a story, Grandma," she pleaded, her eyes bright.
"Yes! Please tell us a story," begged Gareth, putting down his robot and joining Ruth on Grandma's lap.
"Oh, I don't know, little ones, it's getting late," said Grandma with a yawm, stroking Ruth's hair.
"Oh please, Grandma," pleaded Ruth. "Tell us about when you were a whore in Chicago!"
There was a man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch the guy do this day after day.
So, the doctor finally decided to see what this man was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything!"
The mental patient replied, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"