A 17 year-old Antartian boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."
A little girl and her American mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, Mommy, How old are you?
The mother responded, Honey, women dont talk about their age. Youll learn this as you get older.
The girl then asked, Mommy, how much do you weigh?
Her mother responded again, Thats another thing women dont talk about. Youll learn this, too, as you grow up.
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I dont want to talk about it now.
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friends house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mothers conversation.
The girlfriend said, All you have to do is sneak a look at your mothers drivers license. Its just like a report card from school. It tells you everything.
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. Youre 32 years old.
The mother was very shocked. She asked, Sweetheart, how do you know that?
The little girl shrugged and said, I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.
Where did you learn that?
The little girl said, I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an F in sex.
A little girl walks into a shop. A lady behind the counter says "you're a lovely girl what's your name?
Daisy she replies, the lady says "well thats lovely how did you get a name like that" the little girl replies when my mommy was pregnant a daisy petal landed on her tummy so she called me daisy.
The next day another little girl walks into the shop and again the lady says "you're a lovely girl what's your name the girl replies Rose , the lady says "well thats lovely how did you get a name like that" the little girl replies " when my mommy was pregnant a rose petal fell on her tummy so she called me Rose".
The lady say "well thats lovely".
The next day a retarded little girl walks into the shop drooling and struggling to walk. The lady says umm what's your name the little girl replies "Piano".
He walks in and he sits down next to a man with leprosy, who also had his share of bad luck. The young man says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer," so, he gets one. He drinks it fast, and runs and throws up.
The guy with leprosy says, "If I make you that uncomfortable, well, I will leave , OK?" The other guy says, "No, you ain't making me sick, it's the guy behind you. He's dipping his nachos into your back!"