One day a man, suffering from a wooden leg and a bald head is surprised to learn that he has been invited to a fancy dress ball. Deciding that he may pull a woman if he wears a costume to hide his false leg and bald head he writes to a large costume company asking them for advice.
A few days later he received a parcel with a note that said, "Dear sir, please find enclosed a pirates costume. The spotted hankerchief will cover your bald head and your wooden leg will look just right as a buccaneer."
The man is deeply insulted by this so he sends a letter back to the costume company, complaining of his treatment.
A week later another parcel arrives on his doorstep with a note that said, "Dear sir, we are sorry about our previous suggestion so please find enclosed a monks costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and your bald head will look just right at the party."
Again the man is deeply insulted so he writes the company another letter of complaint.
The next day he received a very tiny parcel and a roughly written note, "Dear sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple you grumpy old twat!"