One night a couple of pensioners are in bed when the old man raises his arse out of the bed and lets out a huge fart.
"One - nil!" he shouted.
"What the hell was that all about?" asked his wife.
"It's called fart football," the old man said, "and I'm winning one - nil!"
His old wife then lets rip with a huge stinking fart and says, "One - All!"
The old man then does another one with his wife easily equalising. Realising that he could be beaten at his own game, the old man tried to squeeze out a real big one, but instead shits all over the bed, letting out a huge squeaking sound.
"What was that?" asked his wife.
"Half time," replied the old man, "Now we swap sides!"