You actively drink Natty Light.
You were in a frat.
You love Jesus and America equally, but would only fight for one.
You actively pursue freedom via alcoholic beverage and/or restricting the freedom of others.
You cant even name all 50 states.
You got a discount on a tattoo on the 4th of July.
The majority of your tee shirts come from gym openings.
Tiny Heart Tattoo
This person really wanted a mole but God didnt give them one so they took matters into their own hands.
Really loved The Lake House.
Chronic The Loft shopper.
Someone who identifies as super outgoing but actually really shy and introverted like that Thought Catalog post.
Someone who believes that life is a Nicholas Sparks book waiting to happen.
Might have an imaginary significant other that they journal about.
So much journaling.
Nice flowers are really classy and timeless but shitty ones are SO TRASHY.
A rose tattoo I just picture Bret Michaels and like, I dont even know if he has one.
Bachelorette contestants have rose tattoos.
Sunflowers, roses, and daisies = basic as fuck.
I feel like floral tattoos are saying, I couldnt think of what to get as a tattoo so BLAH. Like, get one with some joy de vivre.
A Sleeve of Tattoos
V. hot but likely emotionally stunted.
People with sleeves commit but are also chill.
I dated a semi-horrible person who had one. Actually, it was only a half-sleeve.
Full sleeve = full boner. Half sleeve = half chub.
The sleeve needs to be done artfully though. Like, dont just fill the space with Bart Simpson or a lotus flower-like herb next to a Pabst can with a diamond cigarette eating a trash monster.
You are very existential.
You actively think about life.
This person occasionally dabbles in goth.
Constellation Tattoo, Or a Smattering of Stars
Emo kids Ive unsuccessfully dated.
You own a lot of copies of Lonely Planet for places you MAY OR MAY NOT have actually been to.
Yes, and that WANDERLUST pillow that they sell at Urban Outfitters.
This person pretends like they DIY everything but actually just buys it at Urban Outfitters.
Likes Faulkner. Too much.
Star tattoos remind me of Rihanna and Chris Brown.
I want to scrub your brain of that.
You want to be elusive but are just evasive.
You were an architecture major who should have been an art major.
I feel like you are the type of person who is SO EXCITED to have discovered a cool new thing. And then youre really miffed when you find out that everyones been listening to like, Haim for months already.
Coordinate tattoos are like the bodily equivalent of when newspapers print URLs.
Its just sort of sweet and analog but mostly sad.
Childrens Book Tattoo
Someone who literally never got past that reading level.
You think high school was the best time of your life prob.
I think its sweet!
Omg, like, literally grow up.
We get it, you are qWiRkY.
Its still better than a GROWN UP BOOK. Like cool Atlas Shrugged cover bro. Or Gatsby eyes.
[Audible collective shudder.]
Would you date someone with a Harry Potter tattoo?
No. Hard no.
If it were the Dark Mark, HOT.
You are not coming from nor going to a good place with a Taz tat.
What about a tattoo of a Looney Toons character in street clothes?
What about Tweety bird tattoos? Asking for a friend. Who cant afford laser treatment.
They use double filters on their instas.
You think: This person has a beautiful perfect life.
No matter their gender nor your preference, you kind of want to fuck this person.
They are the coolest person in any given room.
These look like if Michelangelo painted with Kool-Aid.
You are A-list on Kim Kardashian Hollywood even though you downplay how much you like it.
Youre A-list and youve NEVER EVEN PLAYED.
I guess the kind of person that would get one is ME.
You are probably in a cool band.
Some Variation of a Music Note or Music Related Symbol Thingy
This persons spirit animal is Jason Derulo.
Beyonc� dreams, Britney voice.
Really liked that Bad Day song.
But only plays it when they are actually having a bad day.
(Which is often).
Band Lyric/Band Name Tattoo
Petulant Teen into Petulant Adulthood.
This person moved to New York because he took that Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song literally.
Infinity Symbol Tattoo
Someone who cant do math.
Youve been to a LOT of Phish shows, but now you flirt with an EDM lifestyle.
Owns a closet full of dainty Free People tanks.
Youve slept in your car before.
This person is very YOLO. Which is ironic. Because its an infinity symbol. You know?
Chinese Symbol Tattoo
You are NOT Chinese.
Youve maybe never even met a Chinese person.
Really Obvious Reminder Tattoo, Like Breathe in Fancy Font
You are the most not chill chill person.
Frequent passenger on the struggle bus.
Drinks wine at 4 p.m.
You maybe have gone to rehab.
Doesnt remember to breathe during yoga WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.
Might abbreviate pinot greege like its shorter but its not.
Watches a frightening amount of the Oxygen network.
Leaves their phone/keys/wallet at home/work/t