Interracial dating has been one of the biggest conversations within the black community. Black men have made it no secret their liking to white women. Regina King recently raised the argument that we as black women still have not become completely comfortable dating outside our race. I recently did a survey on a group of black women regarding their reasons for not dating men who are not of color. Through my findings it seems as though black women aren't actually opposed to dating outside of their race. Part of the dilemma lies in women of color thinking that men outside of their race wont be attracted to them. Below are the 5 top reasons black women are apprehensive about going there with a white guy.
1. Body image
Black women are known to be naturally curvaceous. We are praised for our assets by the black men who love us. It has been known that the bigger the backside the better. The rounder the breast the better. The thicker the legs the more beautiful. In the white community this has been the complete opposite. The bigger the butt, the less attractive. If your hips are too wide you're considered fat. Thinner is usually all around better within the white community. This is naturally engrained in both African American and Caucasian peoples subconscious. Many studies show that black men prefer woman with curves and white men prefer women who are thin. After speaking to 6 black women between the ages of 25-40 most state that they believe a white man would not be attracted to them because of their voluptuous bodies.
Black women have been ridiculed for their hair for many many years. Chris Rock made the movie Good Hair that touched on many areas of what black women go through regarding their hair. If we wear it natural its consider nappy. If we perm it were considered white washed. If we have a weave, we aren't happy with who we are and would really like to be a white woman. Regarding hair we just cant seem to win. Since this is already a touchy subject in the black community, its obvious as to why a black woman would rather avoid the whole hair conversation when dating a white man. Sure most black men hate weaves but the women I surveyed expressed how a black man would understand more because he was raised by a black woman. Because of this, a black man knows all the changes his mother may have went through maintaining her hair. He is no stranger to fake hair or a pressing comb. A white man on the other hand is used to naturally unenhanced straight hair that he gets to run his fingers through. The women I surveyed said they were naturally intimidated when it came to dating a white man because of their hair.
Statistics show that Caucasians have more money, better education, better jobs and more opportunities. In the black community, we naturally have to work twice as hard and be 3 times smarter to achieve the level of success deemed to be successful. White men that are very successful will usually date a woman who is as successful or at least in the same class as himself. At least then he feels as if he has something in common with her. Because the black community doesn't have as many advantages this leaves desirable black women to a minimum.
4. They are never approached by white men
We as black women are constantly criticized for being the ones not open to dating outside of our race but what happens if white men just do not approach us? When I surveyed these women, 4 out of the 6 said they were never even approached by a white guy. Unfortunately black women have the smallest pool to choose from. We are naturally attracted to black men but the majority of black men now and days marry outside of their race. Statistics show that white men usually date within their race and if they don't, they are more likely to date a Hispanic, Asian or pacific islander. The percentage of white men and black women that date is a very low one.
5. Just not attracted to white men
We are also guilty of just not feeling it. 4 out of 6 women also said they were simply not attracted to white men. They felt as if they lacked good looks that they were used to, as well as confidence (swag) and sex appeal. Because of this it was hard for most of them to really become serious about potentially being able to have a serious relationship with a white man.
As you see there are many reasons that stop black women from dating white men. Unfortunately many of the reasons stem from insecurity. I think its important for us as black women to not miss out on opportunities just because of insecurities. Insecurity stems from fear and fear can stop you from attaining your blessings. At the same time, we are beautiful creatures who deserve the very best. We should also be able to get exactly what we want. If that happens to be a strong, successful black man, so be it. The sky should be the limit for us. If we truly believe we can and do deserve the very best, that is what will come to us. But it is also important to be open to anything life may have to offer. Life isn't about being closed minded. Life is about taking chances and enjoying whatever challenges and changes may come our way. If a good looking white guy comes up to you and is interested in you, don't be so quick to judge or feel you may not measure up in his eyes. If he approached you, that means he's attracted to you. Love can come in all shades and sizes. Lets not ever allow stereotypes and judgments determine who we can fall in love with.
Quierra Davis-Martin is the co-author of The Mean Girls Handbook of Etitiquette slated to hit shelves 2012. She was also the lead singer of the girl group Isyss. She has a great passion to inspire women all over the world to love themselves and to stay strong and true to themselves in love and in life.