An undertaker rings the wife of the man he is going to bury. "Mrs Jones, this is the manager of the Funeral Home, we are having a bit of a problem with your husband.""What's wrong?" Asked Mrs Jones."As you know, Mr Jones was a rather 'big' man.

When rigor mortis sets in to a male corpse he ends up with an erection, basically we can't close the coffin lid." Says the undertaker."What can you do then?" she asks in surprise."We can get a special coffin made that is 4 inches taller than standard but it will cost you an extra $1000." He says with a sombre voice."I can't afford that.

Can't you do something to solve the problem which is a little less expensive?" she says.The undertaker thinks for a second, then suggests, "We could remove his penis.""Hang on, I want him all there," Mrs Jones says angrily, "I don't want bits of him all over the place!""Don't worry," says the undertaker, "We can remove his penis and insert it into his rectum.""OK but only on two conditions. It can't cost any extra and I want to see the body before the funeral." Says Mrs Jones.

A few days later the undertaker takes Mrs Jones into the back room where her husband is laid out in his best suit, looking presentable. She goes up to her husband's body and silently says her last private goodbyes.As she is doing so she notices a small tear has trickled out of the corner of his eye and has smudges his makeup.

She looks around, and seeing she is by herself, bends down and whispers into her husband's ear, "Hurt's, Doesn't it, you fucking bastard!"

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